There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'