I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.