They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

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Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

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