From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.