If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.